Thursday 19 November 2009

Management Course

No running so far today as I have been on a course all day. Here is what I have learnt so far.

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour... Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel’. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'who was that’?
‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. ‘Great,’ the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:


If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2
:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.


Lesson 3:


A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the Bahamas driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4


A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients..'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at t he top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson 5


A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3 ) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


Monday 16 November 2009

Birthday : Hills, TV, Food, Beer, Bed. Perfect.

Yesterday I became a vet. Not the animal kind with their hands up cows but the one that has grey hair and is rapidly losing his teeth. Yes the running one. To be honest the vet category is a bit of a grey area (get it). I think that in road running I am classed as a vet but to be honest they are all big softies. No offence I am part of the road runners fraternity too but compared to other off shoots of the sport we are.
The real men (and woman) do hill running and cross countries and in their eyes I am still a youngster. 40 is the magic age of a vet when racing these nutters.
In case you hadn't guessed I am now 35. Inbetween two of lives milestones, well past it if you play football but as one of my pals pointed out. I can still run further than my age.

Anyway I was up early and decided to do a run that was two years in the planning. I have always wondered at the possibility of running up the Kilpatrick hills and then over to the Whangie and back. What better day than my birthday to give it a go.

After waking up and receiving some wonderful pressies from Debbie and Cairn which included a new pair of X-Talon Hill running shoes (I am trying to get into hill running), a magic mouse (you need to be a geek for this one), some running gear (t-shirt, arm warmers and gloves) I was off to meet Joe for our run.

(Miss this bit if you don't want the techy details of our run)..
The run started at Hardgate. We would take the Cochno road up to Greenside Reservoir. Over the dam and then up the Slacks. Down to Loch Humphrey and then over to Duncolm. Down from Duncolm and then over the bog to Burncrooks Reservoir. Then up to the Whangie. Now down past the Queens View to the Stockimuir Road. We then took some tracks to avoid having to run the main road before joining the tracks at the Carbeth Huts and then over to the West Highland Way. Taking the WHW as far as Mugdock wood and then taking the road back to the Stockie. Then on to the right of way over Douglas Muir to Faifley and then back to Hardgate.


Altogether it was 19 miles and 2,500 feet of ascent/descent. Three hours three minutes of running but with all our stops to enjoy the view the total time was closer to 3:45.

Joe is a road runner and did very well on the run. We took our time and walked when we had to. It was a great laugh and we were absolutely mankie when we got back to the car. A really good route and one that I am sure I will do again and again.

Our route. Forgot to start the watch at the beginning so it isn't a full loop

When I got home from the run I ate a full pizza. (hey it was my birthday) and I still felt hungry afterward. But I was saving myself for later.

I spent the afternoon watching Battlestar Galactica and Debbie let me?? Yeah I had a great birthday.

Then it was off for something to eat. Debbie was taking me to Yen in the Rotunda for Teppanyaki. It was absolutely fantastic. I really would recommend it to everyone. Eight courses, all brilliant and all cooked in front of you by a fab chef and showman. He kept us entertained and fed the whole time.

I had a great birthday. Thank you to everyone that wished me all the best and thank you to Debbie for making it fantastic.