Weight a minute

 

Debbie had decided that today she wanted to run a long run at a faster pace as part of her marathon training and drive into town so she could have some flatter streets.   I am not so keen in running around the streets of Glasgow so I decided to take advantage and run from my house in Alexandria to town.  I am also not too keen on the A82 either so I decided on a new route.

The start was in Alexandria.  Onto the Balloch Horseshoe and follow the cycle route out towards Drymen. Then onto the West Highland Way to Milngavie and then a wee run into Glasgow City Centre to meet Debbie.  Only thing was that it works out as 27 miles.  Oh well, I'll take my time.

For such a long run I decided it was time to take the bra-pack out.  This pack is really good.  It's comfy, light and doesn't cause your top to ride up.  Pity that the bottle tastes like TCP.  This is the second time I have used it and even after a washing by Debbie and my normal extra strong energy drink it still has a TCP taste.  I am giving it one more chance before swapping the bottle with my trusty Platypus.

My new run was fantastic.  Being the first half decent weekend day of the year there was loads of people out on the cycle track and the WHW.  Lots of second glances at my bra-pack and I am sure that some teenage girls shouted something cheeky at my new fashion accessory which was drowned out by Alice in Chains on my IPod.  I finished the 27 miles in 3 hrs 30 mins but it was in fact only 3hrs 12 mins because I had stopped for 18 mins to talk to people, eat and enjoy the view etc.  I am really pleased with the time as I really didn't push hard although I was knackered by the end of it.

As everyone knows when you are on a long run your mind begins to wonder.  I had read recently that if you loose 150g from your footwear this will make you 5s per mile faster or 2min 11s faster in a marathon.  This is 8 minutes faster on the West Highland Way.  So weight a minute.  Maybe if I lose more weight off my body I could shave even more time.  Maybe not as much as the foot wear but still.  We have all heard of the Naked Rambler so how about the Naked Ultra Runner.  It's summer so not that cold and I'll be running far faster than the midges now that I have lost some weight.  Hair.  That must weigh something.  I will get it all shaved off.  Yes even those dodgy areas.  And it will make an excellent disguise when I appear in the newspapers for running about the hills naked.  What else could I lose weight with?  Skin!! Yes I could borrow Debbies exfoliating shower gel and if I use enough from now until June that must make me lighter.  Perhaps a bit redder but there must be a lot of weight in 4 or 5 layers of skin.  My Garmin weighs tonnes so its a gonner too and then there are the normal weight lose things. Eat less, colonic irragation.  Yeah Debbie makes me watch some pile of cr@p on TV.  Toenails, so overrated.  Part of your intestine.  Not needed.  Hey I could even make money by selling a kidney.  Who says that I am not committed to this race.

So if you happen to be on the West Highland Way on the 21st June then say hi to me.  I am the naked, red, bald, skinny guy being arrested while still high on diet pills and medication.

Thank god I only ran 27 miles.  Any further and I would have been imagining hacking off fingers.